#TalksWithHim Day#2

#TalksWithHim Day#1

Smile :)

I really don't know...

"I don't know,
I don't know,
I really don't ", I screamed.
Screamed at his face.
He stood there frozen,
Silent and like a statue.
He cried.
His sullen face,
I still remember.
How can I forget that?
That innocent face,
That smile,
Which will make anyone cheerful,
That eyes,
That were truthful.
Everything about you,
Everything,
Is still very unclear.
I really don't get
How we met;
I really don't understand
whether I'm right for you;
I really don't get anything.
Anything!
I'm confused.
I'm frustrated.
I'm doubtful,
Of what, where, when and how.
Questions run in my mind,
But no answer I find.
I'm straining to remember something,
Anything,
But of no use.
I don't remember anything.
What am I supposed to do?
You tell me we are married,
You tell me we loved each other madly,
You show me pictures of us,
Everyone around me tell the same as you tell,
But I don't remember.
Why?
This accident?
Did I lose my memory?
Did I forget everything?
Why am I not able to recognise you?
And why are you being so nice to me?
On the initial days at the hospital,
I called you a liar,
I told you're using the situation because you love me,
But I realise,
I was wrong.
Wrong in every way.
Wrong in not listening to what you told.
Wrong in shouting at you for no reason.
Wrong for treating you so badly.
Wrong for hurting you with my words.
I'm lucky,
I really am,
To have you in my life.
I still don't remember what happened in my past,
But I have decided to live my future with you.
I will be happy,
We will happy,
As you said we were before.
~Aarthi.N

Are we destined to be together?

Are we destined to be together?
I asked him looking at his intense eyes filled with love,
He looks at me straight,
Holds my hand,
I sit back,
He pulls me closer and tightens his grip on my hand,
He found that something's bothering me,
He smiles,
Moves my hair from my face,
And says, " Don't be bothered about anything,
Everything's going to be alright".
I look at him and smile wryly,
I'm trying to smile at least,
I'm able to say a word,
I'm not able to even listen.
My mind is off somewhere,
Thinking about our future,
Whether we will succeed or not.
I'm scared,
But he's not.
He's confident,
He's sure that things will work.
I'm happy about that.
But,
Look at me,
I want to be as sure as you are,
But am scared.
Why? I don't know.
You blame the book I read recently,
It's partially true.
I agree.
I look worried,
He found that.
He holds my hand,
Makes me stand ,
And takes me for a walk,
Talking nothing.
He understands me,
He's always understanding.
He gives me time to find myself.
The silence,
The dark night,
Under the moon light,
Just him and I,
I feel we are destined to be together always.
~Aarthi.N

He kissed my forehead...

He kissed my forehead,
He usually does when he leaves
Back to his place.
I found this man of my dreams
Years back.
Like a sun lighting the dark room,
He came into my life as a sunshine.
Yes! He is always my sunshine.
Distance doesn't separate us,
Distance defines our love.
I can talk about for hours without thinking.
Like I usually talk a lot and he listens,
I'm short tempered and he's the opposite.
I still can't get how lucky I'm to get him.
I miss him even when I met just few minutes back.

My usual routine of sadness whenever he leaves begins
Every time he picks his bag.
I want him to stay for long.
But this time,
I don't know.
Something's different.
He won't be coming back.
Coming back to me for long.
Long enough I will keep thinking of him to return
Though I know he won't.
No! He can't!
He going too far..
Away from me.
I knew about his illness after a month we met.
I knew he won't be there for long.
I knew he will leave me standing in the middle of everything.
I knew he will remind only in my memories and not in person.
I knew it won't be an usual love story.
Then why I was with him all these years?
I loved him!
It's that simple.
He was and will always be with me in my mind,
In every decision i take,
In everything I see,
And everything I'm.
I miss him,
I'm still in the hope he will return
And kiss my forehead as always.

~Aarthi.N

2a.m.

It's 2a.m.
I'm sitting
Sitting in the dark room
Only with a small light flickering in the other room,
Thinking of nothing at all
Just staring at the empty wall.
Yes! Just staring!
What else can I do?
I try to sleep for an hour at least,
In order to be awake the next day,
But no, my body doesn't obey me.
Why? I don't know.
No one knows actually.
I smile very often,
For no reason,
Why? No ones know.
But I know the truth,
It's only to hide my sorrow.
It's 2a.m.
And i sit here and cry,
Cry for what?
Again!
I don't know!
Something's running in my mind,
I don't know What.
I'm trying to figure it out,
But all in vain.
What should I do?
Yoga?
Consult a therapist?
Talk to my best friend?
Listen to music?
Travel?
What really am I supposed to do?
I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of hearing.
I'm tired of doing everything.
I'm tired of what I'm doing.
I'm tired of staying awake.
I'm tired of staring at the wall.
I'm tired of passing time doing nothing.
I'm tired of myself.
I'm tired.
What am I supposed to do?
Do i have an option to stay happy?
I don't know.
~Aarthi.N

Strangers to Friends!

Hi there,
Yes! You there!
I have seen you many times by that bridge,
And you have seen me too,
I know that.
I have watched you,
Watched you just stand,
And at times sip a cup of coffee too.
And at few other times,
I have seen you cry.
I didn't want to disturb you.
I didn't want to annoy you.
We don't even know each other.
I have thought of walking to you and talking,
I thought that will work.
And here I'm,
Standing right next to you,
Talking,
No, actually listening.
Did my therapy work?
You were a stranger to me that day,
But today we are friends,
We talked all about that bothered us,
We bonded well as we were understandable,
We held hands as we supported each other,
What would've happened if I had not walked to you the other day?
What if I had just crossed you?
We would've not become friends!
I would've missed meeting a friend for life.
Why and how I walked to talk to you?
I really don't know.
I'm just happy that I did.
The other day when you told me Wat bothered you,
I found you were feeling lonely,
And thanked me for talking,
This was our very first conversation.
Ah! I still can't imagine I made a move.
I'm lucky!
And hey you,
You are lucky too!
I'm happy that I started a conversation with you.
I really am!
~Aarthi.N

Growing old together...

I opened the room,
The room filled with scent of lavender,
Your favourite that we bought recently.                 I remember,

The other day we went shopping
Playing with trolleys inside the supermarket,
Laughing and smiling all day
And getting back home hand in hand.

Also,
The late dinner dates,
When we snacked upon just whatever was left at home,
And danced for tunes that played in our old tape recorder.
How good were those days?
The days when I was not scared,
The days when I felt secure being with you,
The days when I grew old with you,
The days you surprised me with your gifts and cooking,
The days when we talked about everything under the moon,
I miss those days!
How will I get them back?
Will I even?
I want to relive every single minute with you.
Do I have an other chance?
The room Still has your scent,
Which will go off in other few days,
But your memories will always live with me,
Now and till I'm alive!
I always love you,darling!                                   

Why did you leave me alone?
~Aarthi.N

#TogetherForArt2018

Swollen eyes,
No sleep for days together,
People think I'm crazy,
But no one realises I'm not the usual.
Even if I try to tell them,
They have no time to hear.
Yes! Who has ears to listen to other's story?
Everyone's busy with gadgets in their hand.
Darkness around me,
I'm losing myself,
I really am.
Help me out,
I scream,
I cry,
But no one hears,
Why?
Do i not belong here?
Am I an alien?
I really don't find any answer.
All day,
I sit and cry,
Inside a dark, cob webbed filled room.
Was I destined to be treated like this?
Depression!
Depression!
Everyone talk about it,
But don't help to overcome it.
Let's take it seriously at least now.
Let's talk with people,
Hear  what they say,
Help them overcome it,
They are humans too,
Just like us and other few.
Realise and react!
~Aarthi.N

Remember These?

Hi there! I want to write about something that you can relate to. Something you can think of as a memory down the lane. Something that will make your lips curl wide. Something that will strike your mind the instant you read. Any guesses?

Okay.Here I'm to rewind all our (your) childhood memories. You remember the first time you started speaking? Probably our parents would've told us you were a very good child when you spoke so little when you were young. Look now, you've grown and talk too much. You remember your first day to school? Carrying a school bag with nothing inside, just only a pencil and eraser and of course lunch box and snacks box. You remember the first friend you got in school? You still have contact with him or her?
You remember changing to an other school because your parents' got a transfer and you were scared to move into a whole new place, with no friends and unknown places? But over time,we got used to that place. You remember your high school friend, whom you troubled to give ideas to talk with your crush? Remember those best friend phone calls which simply last for an hour or two in which we literally spoke nothing about school stuff? Remember the days after school, when we sat together as a group and talked about all random things under moon? Those PT hours? Who can forget them? They were heaven. But as far as my PT hours are concerned, I watched my class guys play football and I used to just roam around the playground talking with my best friend( Yes! I sort of wasted my PT by talking and not playing , but that's okay. I'm happy about it). Remember the days before exam? Phone calls! Phone calls! And phone calls! ( actually landline calls!) On the day of exam, learning a 2 mark answer to answer can never be forgotten ( oh comm'on, we read everything only a hour before exam) Remember that? Remember the anxiety and excitement that exams are  done? Remember the days we shared lunch together? ( My friend and I literally waited for Saturday's because an other friend of ours brings delicious pooris for lunch). Remember the assignments we copied? Remember the notes we blindly wrote from the topper friend without knowing what's been written? Remember those comments which our classmates commented for no specific reason? Remember gossiping about couples? Remember the first time your crush smiled at you?
Oh wait! Lots of school memories itself!

Let me take a diversion. Remember the time when parents dropped you at school? Remember the pocket money they gave you? Remember those extra lunch mom packed for your friends? Remember the time dad tied your shoe lace? Remember the time you stood in the front while dad drove the scooter? Remember the days when your parents put you in summer classes? Remember the balloons you wanted to catch which flew high? Remember the day when you first fell down and you were taken in ur dad's arm to the hospital? Remember the days you went to play with your neighborhood friends?
Oh so many memories strike me at this instant!
Good old memories are priceless. I smiled all through rewinding these memories when I wrote this. Memories either make you smile or make you cry. Childhood memories does both. Isn't it?
~Aarthi.N

Can we?

Let's go for a walk. Holding hands and talking non stop. Oh wait! I will talk as always and you will listen. Our usual things. Imagine if we do this daily. I just smiled now. You did too, right? Okay. I'm imagining too much. We are kilometres away. All we can do is explain what we are doing through whatsapp and look at our tired and ugly faces in duo. We are used to it anyway. Right?
Let's go for a trip. Just two of us. Somewhere adventurous. Mountain climbing,trekking and what not. Oh god! I'm excited. Why am I getting too excited? I don't know. Okay stop getting excited for things that will take years to happen. Going with my gang of friends itself has not been possible for all these days. Yeah! So stop!
Let's go for a date. A movie then dinner, maybe? What say? It will be fun. So much fun. You're excited too right? A nice action movie and then a nice rooftop dinner at a budget restaurant. That's more than enough for me to live for an year and cherish those memories. Which indirectly means, you have to take me for a movie and dinner often. Caught? I'm so excited. I'm waiting! I'm waiting!
Why am I thinking all this now? Did I read any romantic novel or did i watch any romantic movie? No, I didn't! Probably I was hit on my head with a stone and I thought i have a lover who lives far away from me. Oh god! What am I supposed to do? Just get back to sleep and think about what to eat for dinner.
~Aarthi.N

Ever wondered?

You know what, life's changing every minute, in fact every second. Have you ever wondered about this? I don't know. I didn't think about it until now. It just striked me how life's changed and has been changing every single day. Ever wondered how fast we grew into adults? Have you ever wondered  how our friends  talk about us to others? Have you wondered how cameras came into existence and later how selfies have literally become an addiction? Ever wondered how a last bench student studies at the last minute and clears the exams without arrears? Ever wondered how our mom's rule the kitchen as well as home? Have you wondered about things you have heard from strangers? Have you wondered about how Sun, moon and stars came into existence? Ever wondered how kids these days are different from the 90's kids? Ah! This, I guess all of us would've thought or felt about. Because when we were young, our parents sent us or rather threw us out to play outside with our colony friends or school friends who lived nearby. But today, parents themselves are not allowing these kids because of hot temperature outside, unsafe world, etc,etc. Right? So things changed.

Have you wondered the reasons couples fight for?( this sounds interesting). Ever wondered what we will do if we didn't exist at all? What if we wake up to be a different person? What if we wake up in a different world? What if we become a statue? What if mobile phones stop working from tomorrow? What if we are  forced to eat only vegetables? What if transportation is removed from our country? What if people have the ability to read each other's mind? Oh god! All this sounds creepy.

Why did I mention all this now? I have no idea. Probably, I just wanted to put down everything that was running in my mind.
That's it I guess. One last time, what if words didn't exist at all? How would we have communicated? Let's think about it.